A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
