I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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