Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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