please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
