Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
