I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
