for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
