i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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