Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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