he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
