This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
