Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
