can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
