At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
