i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
