mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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