u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just threw up on my dentist
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
