Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
