you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
