Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You took a bar mat shot.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
