Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
