Will you blow on my dice?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My vagina just clenched in fear
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
