bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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