i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
