Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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