At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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