So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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