Betty ford says i'm here all night
from now on my penis is your penis
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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