You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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