My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
