Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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