why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize