so that wasnt chicken after all
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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