I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
