I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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