You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
