I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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