We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
