rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
