is your mom at the bar?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize