I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
