So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
