So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
