I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
