My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
