Your dad touched me again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
