Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
