Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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