life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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