I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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