Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
