is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
