I just cut my nipple shaving
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
