i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
