having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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