I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
