i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
