when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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