sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
