the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
