i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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