Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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