The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize