Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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