it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
