Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
