I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
