you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think people are normalizing furries
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
